Yoga Frauds

I spent all morning pondering what to write about today.  I have had a series of ideas from Big Mouth and YOU on Netflix to Yoga Frauds or just bitching about money passing through my futile brain this morning.

After I distracted myself with daily chores like cleaning my bathroom that is covered with fine dust from a roof leak repair (not exactly a daily chore) and mopping while MyBitch vacuums the floor and dropping my kid’s friend off at home AND laundry again, I have finally  gotten the chance to sit down and collect my thoughts since my goal IS to blog at least once a day to keep this shit going.  Right, that’s how you become successful, right?

Yoga.  Where to start with that? I guess I should just cut straight to the point.  Yoga frauds are everywhere.  They are all over Instagram and FB (which I don’t use anymore) all showing off their perfectly thin, sculpted bodies giving you this illusion that if you practice yoga, your body will look like that and you’ll be living your “best life”.

It’s bullshit.  Plain and simple.  I have been practicing Yoga since most of these kids were still pissing the bed and I have watched media and marketing take yoga to western pop culture which basically strips it of it’s purpose and uses it to make money.

The idea is that if you use a bunch of fancy yoga words then the instructor simply MUST know what they are talking about and besides that, look at their bodies.  They are thin, sculpted and they are “deep spiritual thinkers”.

They make sure to show you their asses, their perfect poses, their perfected “spiritual” lives and don’t forget to add in their meditation selfie because we all know that they used the power of their minds to snap that pic while in deep meditation or they were so deep into it that someone came along and snapped a pic of them in a deep state completely unaware that they were posing for the camera.

Sure, there are instructors out there that are the real deal and they do show people the worth of it, then again, they also still get paid to show you how to Downward Dog it and breath the “right way”.  Some of them also have degrees in physical fitness or went to a school to become an “accredited instructor” or just purchased one online for, IDK 78$ and a few days of your life.  It’s all legit, right?  Only if you are also wearing Lululemon!

250px-bodhidharmayoshitoshi1887Since when did Yoga become something that needs accreditation?  Probably since people realized they could make money off something that used to be a spiritual practice.  It was never about sculpting the body or pretending that you have found the way to true enlightenment through yoga poses themselves.  And how many of you have ever even heard of the Bodhidharma?  Or that the spiritual practice became a physical one that most think of today BECAUSE he realized he was getting fat sitting around meditating AND made the connection between the mental and physical AND that Yoga was/is a martial art.

Nay!  There is so much more to yoga than perfecting your balance or showing off your perfect ass.  Those are so superficial in every respect that I am certain it completely negates the purpose which was an internal one.

The path to enlightenment isn’t something that you can take a course in or buy your way into but unfortunately, so. many. people haven’t figured it out yet and are so easily sold on the idea of something but the work you have to put in to actually discover what it’s about takes a long time.

It’s not about the poses so to speak.  I don’t give two shits about any person with their certificates and uber cool poses that any physically fit person can do on their first try by anyone who already has a background in physical training.  To them, it’s not yoga, it’s just some shit they can do and get paid to do it or just look cool doing it.

And for goodness sake, does everyone get out of bed to yoga with a shit ton of makeup on, their hair perfectly ponytailed and not an inch of fat anywhere?  I suppose a lot of women do just that because being exposed (naked) even in an art where the purpose is to do exactly that, be naked and NOT afraid, is so scary that they cannot even.

To expose yourself, to be naked, to be freed, to seek yourself out, to find what’s in you, search your soul, discover, bring “balance” back into your life, focus, clarity and then let it all go.  To recognize and then let it go.  To feel in touch with your physical body as well as your mental body, to make the connection, so adjust, to feel, to understand yourself.  To find what’s hurting you so that you can heal, be liberated, be whole, be well to be ready, to see it before you see it.

It’s to understand the connection between the way your mental and physical bodies work together, their union with your spirit, the you inside you.  It’s a practice in mental liberation, to be free from stress, to be free from the outside that is always trying to shape your inside, the illusion of self and then, when you continue to do the work does a person understand and it’s not something anyone can hand to you.  You can’t be guided by another voice all I can do is point at the moon.


So, yes.  You could be thinking that I sound like a total judgmental bitch who needs some enlightening myself but what others might not get is that I know who I am and what seems judgmental to you is not my issue, it’s yours and if you cannot work passed that to see what I am trying to say, then I can’t help you.

I realized these things last year.  I was teaching a class and while it wasn’t a big class, it’s was obvious to me that people weren’t there to understand, they were there looking for quick results.  Questions like, “how should I breath” and soo much of me wanted to just say, “through your fucking nose, what do you mean, how do I breath?”

Then of course it dawned on me that they were after what they’ve been told.  Things like the way to breath in yoga, in for 8 out, hold for 3, out for 12 or some variation of that.  So it was frustrating for me to hear because everyone is different.  Why was this person looking for someone else’s way?

It’s called grooming, I suppose.  You get it into people’s minds that there is a “right way” and a “wrong way” and they’ll believe only one way when the “wrong way” to one is completely the right way for another.  They’ll believe that yoga is about being physically flexible but don’t even bother with understanding mental flexibility because adversity is part of life.

So many Yoga Frauds out there and so many of them are successful because being a fake, having a sexy flexible body seems to be what matters.  Creating a world of little bots who are so completely infatuated with fitting into a box that they give themselves away and then can never understand why they just aren’t that happy.

Don’t be a yoga fraud.  If you want to yoga, the formula is really fucking simple.  Sit down, fucking breath, straighten your back, fight your mind and then don’t fight your mind.  Accept what comes in an forget what goes out and just wait.  Wait until your own body, not someone else’s voice or body instructs you to move.  Listen to YOUR body.  You might not get it the first time, the second time, the 8th time, but you will.  And yes, it sounds like meditation because it IS.

I want to say something like, “you just have to trust me on this” but I know better.  I know that it’s not me you need to trust because all I can do is point you to the moon.

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